That's a Dealbreaker

Last week’s blog post focused on the importance of setting boundaries before we enter a relationship. We have to know where/what our limits are before we are emotionally attached to someone, to help ensure that we won’t let those boundaries be tested because of our feelings for someone. What are our physical/sexual boundaries with a new dating partner? A long-term partner? What expectations do we have around communication and how frequently we spend time with our partner? What thoughts do we have around finances? These are all important questions to consider before entering into a serious dating relationship.

Another part of setting boundaries is identifying dealbreakers. This is a bit different, in that dealbreakers are actions/experiences that would cause us to consider ending a relationship with someone. You can check out a video of some common (and a few uncommon) dealbreakers here: “What’s Your Dealbreaker In A Relationship?” I would like to clarify that this video is meant to be informative, but also humorous. Things like hair length/color, height, and pets are all considered to be part of a person’s preferences, which are different than things that would be considered a dealbreaker. People may prefer a partner who is taller than them, but that partner choosing to cheat would be the dealbreaker.

For people with disabilities, there may be a few specific dealbreakers to add to the list.

• Someone who takes advantage of the power imbalance

• A partner who steals supplemental income

• Someone who doesn’t take the time to understand neurodivergence

• A partner who uses gaslighting to make someone question their intelligence 

• Someone who refuses to respect sexual boundaries or limitations

Of course this isn’t an exhaustive list, and the point is not to make people hesitant to date or fearful that partners won’t be respectful, understanding, and caring. However, it is important for everyone to be aware of unhealthy relationship behaviors, so that it’s easier to identify what’s happening if we do find ourselves in that situation. 

Just like setting boundaries, dealbreakers are not meant to be tested or shifted. These are expectations we set for our partners, because we deserve to be treated with respect. 

-Jordann Mason, Community Outreach Director